FWD: Only In Louisiana

Ol’ Bessie

In Louisiana , this fella, Boudreaux, had a bad vehicle accident, caused by a truck. In court, the trucking company’s fancy lawyer was questioning Boudreaux.

Didn’t you say, at the scene of the accident, “I’m fine”? the lawyer asked.

Boudreaux responded, “Let me told you what happened. Me, I had jus loaded my favorite mule, Bessie, into da . . ”

I didn’t ask for any details,” the lawyer interrupted.
“Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, “I’m fine!”?

Boudreaux said, “I had jus got Bessie into da trailer and I was driving down da road . . .”

The lawyer interrupted again and! said, “Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several
weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to answer the question.”

By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Boudreaux’s answer and said to the lawyer, “I’d like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule, Bessie.”

Boudreaux thanked the Judge and proceeded, “I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into da trailer and was driving her down da highway when dis huge semi-truck and trailer ran da stop sign and smacked my truck right in da side. Me, I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into da udder.. I was hurting, real bad and didn’t want to move at tall. But, I could herd ole Bessie moanin and groanin. Me, I knew she was in some kind o’ terrible shape just by her groans.”

“Shortly after da accident, a Highway Patrolman, he came on da scene. He herd Bessie moanin’ and groanin’ so, him, he went over ta her. After he took hisself a look at her, he took out his gun and shot her between da eyes.

“Den da Patrolman came cross da road, gun in hand, and looked at me, and said ‘How are you feeling?'”

“Now what da hell would you say?!”

#rednecks
(EMAIL FORWARD CIRCA 2008)

FWD: Great Advice

WORDS TO LIVE BY

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn’t supposed to ever let you down probably will.
You will have your heart broken probablymore than once and it’s harder every time.
You’ll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken.
You’ll fight with your best friend.
You’ll blame a new love for things an old one did.
You’ll cry because time is passing too fast, and you’ll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you’ve never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you’ll never get back.

So send this to all of your friends (and me) in the next 5 minutes and a miracle will happen tonight.

(EMAIL FORWARD CIRCA 2006)

FWD: Different Perspecitives

Your Side of Things

When I was married 25 years, I took a look at my wife one day and said,

“Honey, 25 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10 inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with  a hot 25 year- old blonde.
Now, we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma TV, but I’m sleeping with a 50 year-old woman.
It seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things.”

Well, my wife is a very reasonable woman.
She told me to go out and find a  hot 25 year-old blonde and she would make sure that I would once again be living
in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car and sleeping on a sofa bed.

FORWARD THIS TO ALL THE MEN WHO NEED AN EYE OPENER!

(EMAIL FORWARD CIRCA 2006)

FWD: ZODIAC DETECTIVE – Aries

ZODIAC DESCRIPTIONS

Once you have opened this e-mail, there’s no turning back.
Below are true descriptions of zodiac signs. Read your sign, then forward it on, with your zodiac sign and label on the subject line. This is the real deal, try ignoring or changing it, and the first thing you’ll notice is having a horrible day starting tomorrow morning – and it only gets worse from there.

CANCER – The Protector
Moody, emotional. May be shy. Very loving and caring.
Pretty/handsome. Excellent partner for life. Protective. Inventive and
imaginative. Cautious. Touchy-feely kind of person. Needs love from
others. Easily hurt, but sympathetic.
16 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

VIRGO – The Perfectionist
Dominant in relationships. Conservative Always wants the last word.
Argumentative. Worries. Very smart. Dislikes noise and chaos. Eager.
Ha rdworking. Loyal. Beautiful. Easy to talk to. Hard to please.
Harsh. Practical and very fussy. Often shy. Pessimistic.
7 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

SCORPIO – The Intense One
Very energetic. Intelligent. Can be jealous and/or possessive.
Hardworking. Great kisser. Ca n become obsessive or secretive.
Holds grudges. Attractive. Determined. Loves being in long
relationships. Talkative. Romantic. Can be self-centered at times.
Passionate and Emotional.
4 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

LIBRA – The Harmonizer
Nice to everyone s/he meets. Can’t make up her/his mind. Has own
unique appeal. Creative, energetic, and very social. Hates to be
alone. Peaceful, generous. Very loving and beautiful. Flirtatious.
Gives in too easily. Procrastinators. Very gullible.
9 years of bad luck if you do not forward .

ARIES – The Daredevil
Energetic. Adventurous and spontaneous. Confident and enthusiastic.
Fun. Loves a challenge. EXTREMELY impatient. Sometimes selfish. Short
fuse..easily angered. Lively, passionate, and sharp witted. Outgoing.
Loses interest quickly – easily bored. Egotistical. Courageous and
assertive. Tends to be physical and athletic.
16 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

AQUARIUS – The Sweetheart 
Optimistic and honest. Sweet personality. Very independent Inventive
and intelligent. Friendly and loyal. Can seem
unemotional. Can be a bit rebellious. Very stubborn, but original and
unique. Attractive on the inside and out. Eccentric personality.
11 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

GEMINI – The Chatterbox
Smart and witty. Outgoing, very chatty. Lively, energetic. Adaptable
but needs to express her/himself. Argumentative and outspoken. Likes
change. Versatile. Busy, sometimes nervous and tense. Gossips. May
seem superficial or inconsistent, but is only changeable. Beautiful
physic ally and mentally.
5 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

LEO – The Boss
Very organized. Needs order in her/his life…likes being in control.
Likes boundaries. Tends to take over everything. Bossy. Likes to help
others. Social and outgoing. Extroverted. Generous, warm-hearted.
Sensitive. Creative energy. Full of her/himself. Loving. Doing the
right thing is important to a Leo. Attractive.
13 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

PISCES – The Dreamer
Generous, kind, and thoughtful. Very creative and imaginative. May
become secretive and vague. Sensitive. Doesn’t like details. Dreamy
and unrealistic. Sympathetic and loving. Kind. Unselfish. Good
kisser. Beautiful.
8 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

CAPRICORN – The Go-Getter 
Patient and wise. Practical and rigid. Ambitious. Tends to
be good-looking. Humorous and funny. Can be a bit shy and reserved.
Often pessimistic Tends to act before s/he thi nks and can be unfriendly
at times. Holds grudges. Likes competition. Gets what s/he wants.
20 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

TAURUS – The Enduring One
Charming but aggressive. Can come off as boring, but is not. Hard
worker. Warm-hearted. Strong, has endurance. Solid person who is
stable and secure in her/his way. Not looking for shortcuts. Takes
pride in her/his beauty. Patient and reliable. Makes a great friend
and gives good advice. Loving and kind. Loves hard and is passionate.
Expresses her/himself
emotionally. Prone to ferocious temper-tantrums. Determined.
Indulges her/himself often. Very generous.
12 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

SAGGITARIUS – The Happy-Go-Lucky One
Good-natured optimist. Doesn’t want to grow up (Peter Pan
Syndrome). Indulges self. Boastful. Likes luxuries and gambling.
Social and outgoing. Doesn’t like responsibilities. Often fantasizes.
Impatient. Fun to be around. Has lots of friends. Flirtatious.
Doesn’t like rules. Sometimes hypocritical. Dislikes being confined in
tight spaces or even tight clothes. Doesn’t like being doubted.
Beautiful inside and out.

14 years of bad luck if you do not forward.

Send away!!~
Ready …….. set………… GO!

1-3 people= 1 minute of luck
4-7 people= 1 hour of luck
8-12 people = 1 day of luck
13-17 people = 1 week of luck 
18-22 people = 1 mont h of luck
23-27 people = 3 months of luck
28-32 people = 7 months of luck
3-37 people = 1 year of luck
38 and more = a very lucky life!

 

(EMAIL FORWARD CIRCA 2007)

FWD: Mathematical Equation

You Do The Math

This is a strictly mathematical viewpoint…it goes like this:

What Makes 100%?
What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?
Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?

We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%.
How about achieving 103%?
What makes up 100% in life?

Here’s a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K 
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

And

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,
B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it’s the Bullshit and Ass kissing that will put you over the top.

FORWARD THIS TO THOSE WHO NEED SOME GOOD ADVICE THIS WEEK!

(EMAIL FORWARD CIRCA 2006)