Category Archives: Income Tax Day

FWD: Investment Advice

Posted in Bank\Financial, Beer & Alcohol, Drinking and Partying, Finances & Money, Forward Consequences, Funny Explanation, Income Tax Day, Jokes, Just for Laughs, Makes you go Hmmmm, Money Saving Tips, Nothing as it seems!, One Liners, Priceless, Sayings, Spread the Word by

Money, Hanging On

If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00.

With Enron, you would have had $16.50 left of the original $1,000.00.

With WorldCom, you would have had less than $5.00 left.

But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of Miller Beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have had $214.00.

Based on the above, current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle…

It’s called the 401-Keg Plan.

(E-mail Forward Circa 2006)

FUTURE INVESTMENTS

If you had purchased $1000.00 shares in Delta airlines one year ago,you will have $49.00 today.

If you had purchased $1000.00 shares in AIG one year ago,you would have $33.oo today

If you had purchased $1000.00 shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago, you would have $0.00 today.

But, if you had purchased $1000.00 worth of beer one year ago, dank all the beer,then turned in the aluminum cans for recycling refund, you
would have received $214.00.

Based on the above, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily & recycle.
It’s called the 401-Keg.

(E-mail Forward Circa 2008)

Happy Income Tax Day!  I hope you spent your money wisely this year!

Forward this onto everyone who could use a solid investment strategy for 2013!

FWD: It’s Income Tax Day – Pay Up!

Posted in Finances & Money, Funny Pics & Videos, History, Holiday Cheer, Income Tax Day, Jokes, Just for Laughs, Makes you go Hmmmm, Money Saving Tips, Soap Box, USA, Useless or Usefull Facts? by

Income Tax Day!

Sometimesdaily "TAX DAY"

Sometimesdaily "TAX DAY" (Photo credit: oxmour)

In the United States, Tax Day is a colloquial term for the day on which individual income tax returns are due to the federal government. The term may also refer to the same day for states, even where the tax return due date is a different day.

Since 1955, Tax Day is usually on April 15. When April 15 falls on a weekend, Emancipation Day, or any other holiday, tax returns are instead due on the following business day.

  • In 2011, Tax Day was Monday, April 18.
  • In 2012, Tax Day is Tuesday, April 17.
  • In 2013, Tax Day will be Monday, April 15.

New Tax Form!

History

Federal income tax was introduced with the Revenue Act of 1861 to help fund the Civil War, and subsequently repealed, re-adopted, and held unconstitutional. The early taxes were based on assessments, not voluntary tax returns. Tax payment dates varied by act.[1]

The case of Pollock v. Farmers’ Loan & Trust Co. challenged the constitutionality of the Wilson-Gorman Tariff Act of 1894 which taxed incomes over $4,000 at the rate of two percent. The case was decided by the United States Supreme Court in 1895. The Supreme Court decided that the Act’s unapportioned income taxes on interest, dividends, and rents were effectively direct taxes. The Act was therefore unconstitutional because it violated the Constitution‘s rule that direct taxes be apportioned.[2] In 1913, eighteen years later, the Sixteenth Amendment to the United States Constitution was ratified. This Amendment gave the United States Congress the legal authority to tax all incomes without regard to the apportionment requirement.

The filing deadline for individuals was March 1 in 1913 and was changed to March 15 in 1918 and again to April 15 in 1955.[3] Today, the filing deadline for U.S. federal income tax returns for individuals remains April 15 or, in the event that the 15th falls on a Saturday, Sunday or holiday, the first succeeding day that is not a Saturday, Sunday or holiday.

Tax Day occasionally falls on Patriots’ Day, a civic holiday in the Commonwealth of Massachusetts and state of Maine, or the preceding weekend. When this occurred for some time, the federal tax deadline was extended by a day for the residents of Maine, Maryland, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, New York, Vermont, and the District of Columbia because the IRS processing center for these areas was located in Andover, Massachusetts and the unionized IRS employees got the day off.[4] In 2011, the Monday, April 18, Tax Day fell on Patriots’ Day. However, federal filings were directed to Hartford, Connecticut, Charlotte, North Carolina and Kansas City, Missouri[5] and there was no further extension for Maine, Massachusetts or other surrounding states’ residents.[6][7] The Maine state tax filing deadline was still extended to April 19 in 2011 due to Patriots’ Day.[8]

In 2007, Tax Day was on Tuesday, April 17, 2007 because April 15 fell on a Sunday and Monday, April 16 was Emancipation Day, a legal holiday in the District of Columbia. A storm and flooding affected the Northeast that year and certain states were granted additional time to file. In some cases, the deadline was extended to as late as June 25.[9][10] In 2011, the federal tax deadline was extended to April 18, since Emancipation Day, a holiday in Washington, D.C., was celebrated on April 15, a Friday.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tax_Day

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FWD: How To Survive An I.R.S. Audit!

Posted in Finances & Money, Forward Consequences, Gambling, Grandparents\Grandkids, Health\Old Age, Income Tax Day, Jokes, Just for Laughs, Money, Soap Box, Spread the Word, USA by

How To Survive An I.R.S. Audit!

Logo of the Internal Revenue Service

Logo of the Internal Revenue Service (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The IRS decides to audit Grandpa and summons him to the IRS office.  The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.

The auditor said,
‘Well, sir,  you have an extravagant lifestyle and no  full-time employment, Which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I’m not sure the IRS finds that believable.’

“I’m a  great gambler and I can prove it,’ says Grandpa.
‘How about a demonstration?’

The  auditor thinks for a moment and said,
‘Okay. Go ahead.’

Grandpa says,
‘I’ll bet you a  thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.’

The auditor thinks a moment and says,
‘It’s a bet.’

Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor’s jaw  drops.

Grandpa says,
‘Now, I’ll bet you  two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.’

Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn’t blind, so he takes the bet.

Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye.

The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa’s  attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.

‘Want to go double or nothing?’  Grandpa asks
‘I’ll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk and pee into that wastebasket on the other side and never get a drop anywhere in
between.’

The auditor, twice burned, is  cautious now but he looks carefully and decides there’s no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.

Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can’t make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor’s desk.

The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win.

But Grandpa’s own attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.

‘Are you  okay?’ the auditor asks.

‘Not really,’ says the attorney.
‘This morning, when Grandpa told me he’d been summoned for an audit, he bet  me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and piss all over your desk and that you’d be happy about it!’

Crafty Old Man!
I keep telling you! Don’t Mess with Old People!!

At income tax time, did you ever notice:
When you put the two words ‘The’ and ‘IRS’ together it spells… ‘THEIRS’?

Don’t forget to file your taxes!    2011 Taxes are due April 17th, 2012!

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