FWD: It’s Like Pulling Teeth

Tooth Extraction

PullingTeethA man goes to an oral surgeon to have a tooth pulled.

The dentist pulls out a freezing needle to give the man a shot.

“No way!! No needles!!  I hate needles, the patient said”.

The dentist starts to hook up a laughing gas and the man objects.

“I can’t do the gas thing. The thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating me!!” 

The dentist then asks the patient if he has any objection to taking a pill.

“No objection’, says the patient, ‘I’m fine with pills”.

The dentist then returns and says, “here’s a Viagra tablet”.

The patient says,
Wow! I didn’t know Viagra worked as a pain killer!

“It doesn’t”, said the Dentist, “but it will give you something to hold on to when I pull your tooth!!”

FORWARD this to anyone who could use a good laugh!

(EMAIL FORWARD CIRCA 2008)

FWD: Tipsy Tuesday

My New Medicine Cabinet

It’s taken me many, many months of my retirement time but I have just finished building my new Medicine Cabinet…….

Wine Home Remedies

Disease
Daily dose
Allergies
Anemia
Graves
4 glass
Bronchitis
Bourgogne or Bordeaux
> ( + sugar and cinnamon )
3 cups
Constipation
Anjou blanc electricity . Vouvray
4 glass
Coronary arteries
Dry Champagne
4 glass
Diarrhoea
4 glass
Fever
Champagne sec
1 bottle
Heart
Burgundy , Santenay Rouge
Two glass
Uric acid gout
Sancerre , Pouilly Fume
4 glass
Hypertension
Alsace , Sancerre
4 glass
Menopause
Saint Emilion
4 glass
Depression
Médoc
4 glass
Obesity
Burgundy
4 glass
Obesity
Rosé de Provence
1 bottle
Rheumatism
Champagne
4 glass
Excessive weight loss
Côte de Beaune
4 glass

Design ideas for someones new kitchen\medicine cabinet. What do you think ????

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Forward this to all your Wine Loving Friends and Family!

(E-mail Forward Circa 2011)

FWD: Asparagus vs. Cancer

 

Asparagus

I do NOT know if this is true or not but it is interesting.
 
Look at this……
I couldn’t find anything in truthorfiction.com or snopes.com to disprove this.  Certainly couldn’t hurt anything. I guess it couldn’t hurt anything, give it a try.

Three types of asparagus on a shop display, with white asparagus at the back and green asparagus in the middle. The plant at the front is Ornithogalum pyrenaicum, is commonly called wild asparagus.

Asparagus

          
Several years ago, I had a man seeking asparagus for a friend who had cancer. He gave me a photocopied copy of an article,entitled, `Asparagus for cancer ‘ printed in Cancer News Journal, December 1979.

I will share it here, just as it was shared with me: ‘I am a biochemist,and have specialized in the relation of diet to health for over 50 years.
       
Several years ago, I learned of the discovery of Richard R.Vensal, D.D.S. that asparagus might cure cancer. Since then, I have worked with him on his project. We have accumulated a number of favourable case histories.
         Here are a few examples:
 
 
Case No. 1, 
             
A man with an almost hopeless case of Hodgkin’s disease (cancer of the lymph glands) who was completely incapacitated. Within 1 year of starting the asparagus therapy, his doctors were unable to detect any signs of cancer, and he was back on a schedule of strenuous exercise.

Case No. 2,
             
A successful businessman 68 years old who suffered from cancer of  the bladder for 16 years.  After years of medical treatments,including radiation without improvement, he went on asparagus. Within 3 months, examinations revealed that his bladder tumor had disappeared and that his kidneys were normal.

 
Case No. 3,
A man who had lung cancer. On March 5th 1971, he was put on the operating table where they found lung cancer so widely spread that it was inoperable. The surgeon sewed him up and declared his case hopeless. On April 5th he heard about the asparagus therapy and immediately started taking it. By August, x-ray pictures revealed that all signs of the cancer had disappeared. He is back at his regular business routine. *
 
 
*Case No. 4,             
A woman who was troubled for a number of years with skin cancer. She finally developed different skin cancers which were diagnosed by asking specialist as advanced. Within 3 months after starting on asparagus, her skin specialist said that her skin looked fine and no more skin lesions. This woman reported that the asparagus therapy also cured her kidney disease, which started in 1949. She had over 10 operations for kidney stones, and was receiving government disability payments for an inoperable, terminal, kidney condition. She attributes the cure of this kidney trouble entirely to the asparagus.

I was not surprised at this result, as `The elements of Materia Medica’, edited in 1854 by a Professor at the University of  Pennsylvania , stated that asparagus was used as a popular remedy for kidney stones. He even referred to experiments, in 1739, on the power of asparagus in dissolving stones.

We would have other case histories but the medical establishment has interfered with our obtaining some of the records. I am therefore appealing to readers to spread this good news and help us to gather a large number of case histories that will overwhelm the medical skeptics about this unbelievably simple and natural remedy. For the treatment, asparagus should be cooked before using, and therefore canned asparagus is just as good as fresh.

I have corresponded with the two leading canners of asparagus, Giant Giant and Stokely, and I am satisfied that these brands contain no pesticides or preservatives.

PROCEDURE:

1) Place the cooked asparagus in a blender and liquefy to make a puree, and store in the refrigerator.
 
2) Give the patient 4 full tablespoons twice daily, morning and evening.
Patients usually show some improvement in from 2-4 weeks. It can be diluted with water and used as a cold or hot drink. This suggested dosage is based on present experience, but certainly larger amounts can do no harm and may be needed in some cases.
 
As a biochemist I am convinced of the old saying that `what cures can prevent’. Based on this theory, my wife and I have been using asparagus puree as a beverage with our meals.  We take 2 tablespoons diluted in water to suit our taste with breakfast and with dinner. I take mine hot and my wife prefers hers cold.
For years we have made it a practice to have blood surveys taken as part of our regular checkups.
 
The last blood survey, taken by a medical doctor who specializes in the nutritional approach to health, showed substantial improvements in all categories over the last one, and we can attribute these improvements to nothing but the asparagus drink…

As a biochemist, I have made an extensive study of all aspects of cancer, and all of the proposed cures. As a result, I am convinced that asparagus fits in better with the latest theories about cancer.  Asparagus contains a good supply of protein called histones, which are believed to be active in controlling cell growth. For that reason, I believe asparagus can be said to contain a substance that I call cell growth normalizer. That accounts for its action on cancer and inacting as a general body tonic. In any event, regardless of theory, asparagus used as we suggest, is a harmless substance.
 
The FDA cannot prevent you from using it and it may do you much good.. It has been reported by the US National Cancer Institute, that asparagus is the highest tested food containing glutathione, which is considered one of the body’s most potent anticarcinogens and antioxidants.
 
Please spread the news…..the most unselfish act one can ever do is paying forward all the kindness one has received even to the most undeserved person *

From Breast Cancer to Testicular Cancer, it’s worth giving it a try!

Forward this to everyone you know! 

(Email Forward Circa 2009)

FWD: Living in Hell

Living in Hell

Saddam and Satan from South Park

One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with the devil.

Satan:
‘Why so glum?’

Guy:
‘What do you think? I’m in hell!’

Satan:
‘Hell’s not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinking man?’

Guy:
‘Sure, I love to drink.’

Satan:
‘Well, you’re gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that’s all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, Tab, and Fresca. We drink ’til we throw up, and then we drink some more! And you don’t have to worry about getting a hangover, because you’re dead anyway.’

Guy:
‘Gee that sounds great!’

Satan:
‘You a smoker?’

Guy:
‘You better believe it!”

Satan:
‘All right! You’re gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world, and smoke our lungs out;
If you get cancer – no biggie, you’re already dead,  remember?’

Guy:
‘Wow . . . that’s awesome!’

Satan:
‘I bet you like to gamble.’

Guy:
‘Why, yes, as a matter of fact I do.’

Satan:
‘Good, ’cause Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps, blackjack, roulette, poker, slots, whatever. If you go bankrupt, it doesn’t matter, you’re dead anyhow.’

Guy:
‘Cool!’

Satan:
‘What about drugs?’

Guy:
‘Are you kidding? Love drugs! You don’t mean . . .. ?’

Satan:
‘That’s right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a Submarine. You can do all the drugs you want. You’re dead, So who cares?’

Guy:
‘Wow! I never realized Hell was such a cool place!’

Satan:
‘You gay?’

Guy:
‘No . . . ‘

Satan:
‘Ooooh, Fridays are gonna be tough!’

Garry Coleman

Forward this to every one you know who’s had a rough week and could use a laugh!

 

FWD: Like A Boss(‘s Day)

MEDICAL ALERT: CONTAGIOUS VIRUS

English: Logo of the Centers for Disease Contr...The Center for Disease Control has issued a medical alert about a highly contagious, potentially dangerous virus that is transmitted orally, by hand, and even electronically.

This virus is called Weary Overload Recreational Killer (WORK). If you receive WORK from your boss, any of your colleagues, or anyone else via any means whatsoever – DO NOT TOUCH IT. This virus will wipe out your private life completely.

If you should come into contact with WORK you should immediately leave the premises. Take two good friends to the nearest grocery store and purchase one or both of the antidotes – Work Isolating Neutralizer Extract (WINE) and Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.

You should immediately forward this medical alert to 5 friends.
If you do not have 5 friends, you have already been infected and WORK is controlling your life.

Don’t forget to forward this to your Boss in honor of National Boss’s Day! (October 16th)