FWD: Mathematical Equation

You Do The Math

This is a strictly mathematical viewpoint…it goes like this:

What Makes 100%?
What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?
Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?

We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%.
How about achieving 103%?
What makes up 100% in life?

Here’s a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K 
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

And

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,
B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it’s the Bullshit and Ass kissing that will put you over the top.

FORWARD THIS TO THOSE WHO NEED SOME GOOD ADVICE THIS WEEK!

(EMAIL FORWARD CIRCA 2006)

 

FWD: Fluctuations

Best Bank|Financial Joke

I was at my bank today; there was a short line.
Just one lady in front of me. 
 An Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars.  
 It was obvious she was a little irritated. 
  
 She asked the teller,
“Why it change? 
 Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen.  
 Today I only get hunat eighty? 
 Why it change?”
  
 The teller shrugged his shoulders and said,
 “Fluctuations.”
  
 The Asian lady says,
“Fluc you white people too!”

FORWARD THIS TO ALL OF YOUR FRIENDS WHO WORK WITH MONEY!
(EMAIL FORWARD CIRCA 2010)

FWD: Financial Gains

Salary Payment

This actually works, and I didn’t get around to opening it until today.
Had a money windfall on Saturday after receiving this on Tuesday.

1 Kings 8:23
A blessing is coming to you in the form of money.

Do not ask questions just forward to eight people and TRUST GOD!
Prayer for Finances (it works)
I claimed it for you – now claim it for me.

God has more than a thousand ways to  provide For us, that we know nothing about.
Here is your financial blessing!
It’s a simple prayer, you got 30 Seconds?

Don’t sleep on this…Someone recently Read this for the first time and Received exactly enough for a $0 balance On all credit cards.
If you need a financial blessing, Continue reading this e-mail.

Heavenly Father, most Gracious and Loving God, I pray to you that you Abundantly bless My family and me.

I know that you recognize, that a Family Is more than just a mother, father, sister, brother, cousin, Husband and wife, but all who believe and  trust in You.

Dear GOD, I send up a prayer request for Financial blessing for not only the Person who Sent this to me, but for me  and all that I have Forwarded This message to.

And that the power of joined prayer by Those who Believe and trust in you is More powerful than anything!

I thank you in Advance for your blessings.

God, deliver the person reading this  right Now From debt and debt burdens.

Release your Godly wisdom that I may be a Good steward over all that you have given me GOD, for I know how  wonderful and mighty You are and how if we just obey you and walk
In your word and  have the faith of a Mustard Seed that you will pour out blessings.

I thank you now Lord for the recent blessings I have Received and for the blessings yet to come, Because I know you are not done with me  yet.

Amen
TAKE 60 SECONDS and send this on quickly  and within hours, you will haveCaused a multitude of people to pray to  God for each other. Then sit Back and watch the power of God work in  your life for doing the thing That you Know He loves.

Peace and Blessings….

Have Faith
You must FORWARD this to 8 people. In 8 minutes you will receive something you have long awaited.

(EMAIL FORWARD CIRCA 2011)

FWD: Wealth Of Knowledge

A Story Of Wealth

One day, the father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the express purpose of showing him how poor people live.

They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family.

On their return from their trip, the father asked his son,

“How Was the trip?”

“It was great, Dad.”

“Did you see how poor people live?” the father asked.

“Oh yeah,” said the son.

“So, tell me, what did you learn from the trip?” asked the father.

The son answered:
“I saw that we have one dog and they had four.
We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end.
We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night.
Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon.
We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight.
We have servants who serve us, but they serve others.
We buy our food, but they grow theirs.
We have walls around our property to protect us, they have friends to protect them.”

The boy’s father was speechless.

Then his son added,
“Thanks Dad for showing me how poor we are.”

Isn’t perspective a wonderful thing?
Makes you wonder what would happen if we all gave thanks for everything we have, instead of worrying about what we don’t have.  Attitude is everything!

Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your friends!

“Life is too short and friends are too few.”

Forward this on to friends and acquaintances and help them refresh their perspective and appreciation.

(EMAIL FORWARD 2006)

FWD: Investment Advice

If you had purchased $1000.00 of Nortel stock one year ago, it would now be worth $49.00.

With Enron, you would have had $16.50 left of the original $1,000.00.

With WorldCom, you would have had less than $5.00 left.

But, if you had purchased $1,000.00 worth of Miller Beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have had $214.00.

Based on the above, current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle…

It’s called the 401-Keg Plan.

(E-mail Forward Circa 2006)

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FUTURE INVESTMENTS

If you had purchased $1000.00 shares in Delta airlines one year ago,you will have $49.00 today.

If you had purchased $1000.00 shares in AIG one year ago,you would have $33.oo today

If you had purchased $1000.00 shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago, you would have $0.00 today.

But, if you had purchased $1000.00 worth of beer one year ago, dank all the beer,then turned in the aluminum cans for recycling refund, you
would have received $214.00.

Based on the above, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily & recycle.
It’s called the 401-Keg.

(E-mail Forward Circa 2008)

Happy Income Tax Day!  I hope you spent your money wisely this year!

Forward this onto everyone who could use a solid investment strategy for 2013!