FWD: Economic Woes of the 99%

I’m so poor:

I can’t afford to pay attention!
I can’t even pay you a compliment!
I can’t even put my two cents in the conversation!
I can’t even afford to go to the free clinic!
I have to make jokes about people at their own expense!

DC

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Economic Woes

Look at my piggy bank after I bought gas this morning.

The Economy is so bad that:

…a picture is now only worth 200 words.

…wives are having sex with their husbands because they can’t afford batteries.

…I saw a Mormon polygamist with only one wife.

…I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

…if the bank returns your check marked “Insufficient Funds,”  you call them and ask if they meant you or them.

…my ATM gave me an IOU!

…I bought a toaster oven and my free gift with purchase was a bank.

…my cousin had an exorcism but couldn’t afford to pay for it, and they re-possessed her!

…a stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies while she danced.

…Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.

…parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children’s names.

…African television stations are now showing ‘Sponsor an American Child’ commercials!

…I ordered a burger at McDonald’s and the kid behind the counter asked, “Can you afford fries with that?”

…McDonald’s is now selling a 1/4 ounce soft drink.

…Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.

…Motel Six won’t leave the light on anymore.

…the Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.

…CEO’s are now playing miniature golf.

…Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

…they renamed Wall Street ” Wal-Mart Street .”

…Barack Obama changed his slogan to “Maybe We Can!”

…a truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico .

…when Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.

…Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal. Oh Great!!  The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being
investigated by the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear!

And, finally…

I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hotline.

When they answered I got transferred to a call center in Pakistan, and as soon as I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked me,
“Can you drive a truck?”

Forward this to all those who can’t afford a “penny for their thoughts”!