FWD: Just What the Doctor Ordered

A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a car when he spotted a well-known cardiologist in his shop, who was waiting for the service manager to take a look at his car.

The mechanic shouted across the garage, ‘Hey Doc, want to take a look at this?’  The cardiologist, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working.  The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag, and asked, ‘So, Doc, look at this engine.  I open its heart, take the valves out, repair any damage, and then put them back in; and when I finish, it works just like new.  So how come I make a pretty small salary, and you get the really big bucks, when you and I are doing basically the same work?’

The cardiologist paused, smiled, and leaned over, then whispered to the mechanic, ‘Try doing it with the engine running!’

FWD: Grass Is Greener

Grass Eater

A man was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw a man eating grass by the roadside. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.

“Why are you eating grass?” he asked the man.

“I don’t have any money for food,” the poor man replied.

“Oh, please come to my house!”

“But sir, I have a wife and four children…”

Bring them along!” the rich man said.

They all climbed into the limo. Once underway, the poor fellow said,
“Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us in.”

The rich man replied, “No, you don’t understand. The grass at my house is over three feet tall!”

(EMAIL FORWARD CIRCA 2008)

FWD: A New Relationship

A SAD STORY ABOUT PENIS ENVY

A man was lying in bed with his new girlfriend.

After having great sex, she spent the next hour just rubbing his testicles — something she loved to do. 

As he was enjoying it, he turned and asked her,
“Why do you love doing that?”

Because, she replied,
“I miss mine.”
 
Kinda brings a tear to your eye, doesn’t it???

FORWARD THIS TO THOSE WHO COULD USE A GOOD LAUGH TODAY!

(EMAIL FORWARD CIRCA 2010)

FWD: Peace & Tranquility

Secret To Inner Peace

I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me and we all could use more calm in our lives.
By following the simple advice I heard on a Dr. Phil show, I have finally found inner peace.

Dr. Phil proclaimed the way to achieve inner peace was to finish all the things you have started. So I looked around my house to see things I started and hadn’t finished; and before leaving the house this morning I finished a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of White Zinfandel, a bottle of Baileys, a bottle of Kahlua, a package of Oreos, the remainder of both Prozac and Valium prescriptions, the rest of the cheesecake, some Saltines and a box of chocolates.

You have no idea how freaking good I feel.

Please FORWARD this on to those you feel are in need of inner peace.

(EMAIL FORWARD CIRCA 2006)

FWD: Stand Up For Yourself

Ingredients In VIAGRA

I knew they would eventually release the ingredients in Viagra! 

 

The Recipe:

3% Vitamin E
2% Aspirin
2% Ibuprofen
1% Vitamin C
5% Spray Starch
87% Fix-A-Flat

FORWARD THIS TO THOSE WHO ARE HAVING TROUBLE STANDING UP FOR THEMSELVES!

(EMAIL FORWARD CIRCA 2007)